Self Care - Have We Been Getting It Wrong All Along?

There's no denying that holidays, spa breaks and bubble baths are enjoyable and relaxing.

Personally, I find watching 30 to 45 mins of TV helps me to decompress and calm my nervous system after a day of social interactions. These are extremely tiring for my autistic brain. 

But I've come to the conclusion that these activities aren't true self care.

They're more about escaping, distracting or numbing your body and mind from whatever's bothering you.....a bit like changing the battery in the fire alarm after the blaze has started.

Wouldn't being proactive be better? Like checking the fire alarm batteries regularly, having a fire blanket in the kitchen and minimising fire risks like dodgy electrics or flammable sofas.

So what is true self care, and how can you bring some into your daily routine?

Definition of "Self Care"?

Self Care = Caring for the self or Taking care of yourself

What Is Self Care?

To find the answer to this question I've turned to the 8 Limbs of Yoga. Specifically the Yamas and Niyamas, which form the first 2 limbs.

The Yamas - External ethics

• Ahimsa - Non-harming
• Satya - Truth
• Asteya - Non-stealing
• Brahmacharya - Moderation (conservation of life energy)
• Aparigraha - Non-attachment

The Yamas describe how you can interact harmoniously with your environment and other living beings within your world. 

1) Ahimsa - Non-harming.

This can be physically not injuring someone. It can also be not gossiping about someone, respecting boundaries and speaking kindly to and about others. It can also be speaking kindly to yourself, reducing toxic thoughts and treating yourself with compassion.

Your body hears what your mind thinks. Many symptoms are a physical manifestation of subconscious thought patterns running in the background of your mind.

2) Satya - Truth.

Communicate with honesty to yourself and to others. Sometimes satya may clash with ahimsa. Being honest may hurt someone, so you need to decide which Yama is more important in that moment.

If your conscious mind is in conflict with your subconscious your body can sense that somethings amiss, leading to imbalance, anxiety, and illness.

3) Asteya - Non-stealing.

You may think you're not a thief, but there are many things that can be stolen. If you turn up late to an appointment you've stolen that person's time. You can also take someone's energy and worth. If you push too hard in a Yoga pose or over-exercise you're stealing from your body.

4) Brahmacharya - Moderation (to conserve life energy).

Energy is a finite resource. If you run out of life energy you may get tired, sick or injured. The body maintains balance and good health via a process called "homeostasis". If you're constantly bashing a system - say, you exercise hard every day, your mitochondria that supply energy become drained. This is called "mitochondrial fatigue". Workouts feel more of effort, performance dips, you feel sore and take longer to recover after a session. 

5) Aparigraha - Non-attachment. 

Have you ever found yourself wanting something so much that you would do almost anything to get it? How much energy did that take out of you? 

If you resist becoming attached to old thought patterns, habits and expectations you become more adaptable, resilient and open to new ideas. Rather than grasping desperately onto something, or someone, that no longer belongs in your life you can move on gracefully and embrace whatever lies ahead for us.

The Niyamas - Internal morals

• Saucha - Clarity / Purity
• Santosha - Contentment
• Tapas - Self discipline
• Svadyaya - Self study
• Ishvara pranidhana - Surrender / Acceptance

The Niyamas describe how you can live life at peace with yourself.

1) Saucha - Clarity / Purity

This can also be translated as "cleanliness". Yes, physical hygiene, such as eating foods that nourish your body, refraining from harmful substances such as alcohol or drugs, and using non-toxic cosmetics, skin and hair products.

But also recognising and binning old habits or toxic thoughts that you've collected in your life which now hinder your health. Or letting go of people who steal your energy and peace of mind, however hard that may be.

2) Santosha - Contentment

How often have you said wishfully "I'll be happy when / if ......."?

Happiness is a conscious choice. Contentment is more like acknowledging and appreciating who you are and all that you have, right now.....and being OK with that.

3) Tapas - Self discipline

"Tapas" can also be translated as "heat".

This can be the prickly heat from a new situation or an uncomfortable emotion. It can be the discipline needed to tolerate this discomfort for a brighter, healthier future. It can also be a fiery passion to live an unapologetically authentic life, fully aligned with your core values.

4) Svadhyaya - Self study

Literally, I think of this as "study of the self". Being a student of your own body, mind and life.......for life!

Modern society's obsession with technology and data ironically can stop you from listening to your body and your inner wisdom (intuition). You become detached from your true self. When your body communicates it's needs through physical sensations or emotions you become alarmed and try to numb or fix these "symptoms".

5) Ishvara pranidhana - Surrender / Acceptance

If you don't believe in the universe or a higher power, you could think of this as letting go of your expectations of what life should be like or how your body should feel and move.

What is meant to be yours will be yours. 

How Is This Self Care?

Taking care of yourself is nurturing your physical body, mind and soul every day. Building resilience to the stresses and pressures of life, work and relationships so you stay healthy.

Mainstream ideas of self care are often more reactive. You feel run down, ratty, and stressed so you wind down with a glass or two of wine, run a hot bubble bath, and book a holiday in the sun to get away from it all.

But what happens when you get back from holiday? The stress and pressure start to build all over again, and you find yourself longing for another getaway.

Many physical conditions arise because of an imbalance lurking somewhere between the body, mind and soul, like a loaded gun. Your lifestyle simply pulls the trigger, sooner or later.

The Yamas and Niyamas can be used as a framework to find ways to interact more harmoniously with your environment, other beings and be more at peace with yourself.

You become more in tune with your physical self, interpreting the signals from your body precisely. Now you know intuitively what it needs at any given time before an injury or illness flares up.

You can recognise unhelpful habits and thought patterns, and cancel them. Now you feel empowered and able to live authentically, aligned with your core values. 

You feel at peace making difficult or life changing decisions because you trust that it'll all work out as it was meant to in the end.

Whilst not solely a Yoga practice, Yoga principles are one of the founding inspirations behind The BYB Method.

The BYB Method is a 4 pillar system that helps you to re-connect with your body, recognise unhelpful patterns and create an internal environment that promotes recovery and healing. 

If you'd like to learn more about the BYB Method you can contact me via email at norma.pearson1@ntlworld.com, WhatsApp at 07801 867361 or send me a DM on Facebook Messenger ( https://www.facebook.com/norma.pearsonfitness ).